The first mistake I see from SM novices is thinking there is a right or wrong way to playing. Even if there are some safety rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the ones who are involved in the relationship. If anyone else tells you that you are doing this wrong, tell them that ‘s not they business.
The second mistake is going too fast into things. I know that after years of suppressing this desire it’s very hard to take slowly when you finally find out you aren’t the only one that gets turned on by bondage. But too quickly dominate or submit the other without taking time to get to know some skills, and each other, is actually a lack of time… ans that is the bad kind. When you first get started, take the time to read books and get to know the person you will be playing with.
A thirty mistake the new subs make is submitting to everyone who calls themselves a dominant. Just because someone sticks “Master”, “Mistress” in their username doesn’t mean you have to call them “Sir” or “Madam” or submit to their requests. For the most part, a reputable and experienced Master or Mistress knows this and will not demand the respect. New dominants are sometimes guilty of this. If any sub hasn’t earned your respect, why would you act like like a dominant?
The fourth mistake newbies subs often make is in setting limits. Some make too many or too few limits, and this will sometimes frustrate the dominant. Take some time to think about what truly fit to you… what you don’t under any circumstances want to experience at the moment, and make a limit. If a potential Dominant don’t agree to a certain limit, walk away. Your limits will change as you become experienced. What you won’t submit to the first year, you may like the second one.
The fifty mistake is that the Dominant is always right. The joke is there are two rules in SM:
Rule n°1: The SM Master is always right
Rule n°2: If the SM Master is wrong, refer to Rule n°1
Dominants are human so they are sometimes wrong. It isn’t a sin against the D/s gods to respectfully suggest to your SM Master or SM Mistress that he or she may be wrong… especially if it’s regarding a safety issue. Just because you are a sub doesn’t mean that you can accept anything. If you are the SM Master or the SM Mistress and that you make a mistake, don’t be afraid to admit it. It won’t make you any less “stupid”.
Last mistake is that many novices think that the SM Master or SM Mistress’s pleasure is the only thing that matters. Sure, as a sub or slave it is your job to please your SM Master or SM Mistress, but it should please you, also. We play these games to make everybody happy. When it happen that you do something to please your SM Master or SM Mistress that you don’t enjoy, if you find yourself doing this several times, you are probably with the wrong partner.